Eh, what's up, Doc?
You look different. Did you do something with your hair?
The teeth. The teeth. I got them capped.
Oh, yeah? Hey, they look great.
- You don't think they look a little big? - No, not at all. The biggerthe better.
But they could be a little brighter.
There's nothing more sexy to me...
...than a guy with a mouthful of big pearly whites.
Oh, really?
Come here.
You ever had one up the hatch in here.
Tucker, behave yourself.
I'll say.
What can I do for you today, my friend?
I wanted to talk to you about your friend Patrick.
- He's a nice guy, huh? - That's what I'm trying to fiigure out.
How long have you known him?
Not very long, but I like him.
I know he's a little different,...
...but that's what I like about him.
He dresses like a complete dork.
He chews with his mouth open.
He hardly ever says the right thing,...
...and he probably farts, too.
That's what you're looking for, is it?
A farter?
No, I'm looking for a guy.
Look, something struck me as strange about him last night.
He...
He gave me this funny vibe.
Anyway, I called some friends up north,...
...and they've never heard of an architect named Patrick Healy.
He's not listed as a Harvard alumnus.
Fuck!
- That's strange. - Yes, I thought so.
Anyway, I hope you don't think I'm being meddlesome.
It's just that I think you should be careful with this guy, that's all.
I mean, let's face it, you're beautiful, and...
...and you've got money, and you trust people.
I'm just saying there's a lot of psychos out there.
Just be careful.
Fucker!
Look, Tucker, thank you. I really appreciate you looking out for me.
OK, listen, I'll call you, OK?
OK.
Oh, damn.
- You want me to get those for you? - No. I have to learn to do this myself.
Damn!
(leg rattles)
My leg.
Could you, Mary?
Thank you.
Wait. Wait.
There.
(rattles)
- See? - Yeah.
I knew I could do it.
Here, let me get the door.
Thank you.
- See you later. - Goodbye.
Jane, can you get the doorfor Tucker?
(keys drop)
Do you want me to...
No. I've done this a thousand times.
OK.
Mr Stroehmann, on behalf of the South Carolina Law Enforcement Community,...
...I would like to apologise to you for any pain ortemporary inconvenience...
...that you may have been caused.
Ohh.
At approximately 10.40 this morning,...
...a man was apprehended not far from where you were arrested.
He was identified as an escaped mental patient.
Subsequently, he confessed to the murder you're being held for.
Lab tests confirm a fingerprint match.
You mean I'm free to go?
No harm, no foul.
Oh, by the way, there's someone there to see you.
(cheering and whistling)
Shut up!
Phew!
You are a lucky son of a bitch, you know that?
I am?
Yeah.
Didn't they tell you?
That hitcher was about to cut yourthroat before you decided to take a piss.
Got a fucking horseshoe up your ass, my man.
You got that nervous hive thing again?
Yeah.
Yeah, I do, Ted, um, because I got some bad news.
Are you OK?
Ted, I'm dying.
Oh, my...
Ted, I'm not dying, man. Come on!
Jesus, it'sjust the humidity down here.
No, the bad news I got is about ourfriend Healy.
I sent my assistant down to his apartment with his last pay cheque.
The landlady said when he came back from Miami...
...he kept talking about falling for some doctor named Mary.
Mary?
Mmm.
My Mary?
Well...
Ted, here's Healy's address down there.
And in the future, do a little research before you send a guy like that out into the woods.
I mean, Jesus Christ, it's creepy, OK?
You're not seriously thinking about going out with this guy again?
Mary, honey, he's a psycho.
Mary, the guy's full of shit.
Jesus, this sucks.
It's too bad this had to happen.
He was almost perfect.
Mary, what did you say Pat's last name was?
(Mary) Healy.
Come here, come here. Come on, you got to hearthis.
What?
(Healy) That's just the way us Healys were raised.
(Sully) So, where the hell are you, Healy?
Ah, I got a date tonight with that Mary girl I told you about.
- The sawbones? - Yep.
- We hit the mother Iode. - Should we be listening to this?
Shh, shh, shh!
(Sully) Does she still think you're a fucking architect?
(Healy) Oh, yeah.
(Sully) Dumb shit.
Mr Perfect, huh?
Hey, watch your mouth.
She's a great gal, Mary.
I'm the dumb shit for lying to her.
Why didn't you just tell her the truth?
I don't know.
(Healy) It seems that women today are more impressed by the almighty buck...
...than some schmo who's spent 17 years scraping by on peace corps wages.
If she's as special as you say,...
...she's going to want to hear about the things you did.
You could tell her about the irrigation ditches you dug in Sudan.
The orphan babies who cried in your arms in...
...Romania.
The hope...
...you gave Freddy the leper in Calcutta.
I'll be honest with you. I'm a selfiish prick.
I get a high from helping all God's creatures.
(kills fly)
An honest-to-goodness high. I did all those things for myself.
Hey, hey, hey.
That's, uh...
...that's, uh... that's bullshit, man.
Hey. Hey, you were on the front line.
(Sully) You remember?
The, um, malaria, the typhoon fever, that vicious strain of genital herpes?
- Ooh. - Ooh.
Fuck!
(Healy) Yeah. I cured all sorts of horrible illnesses in Third World countries.
But the bottom line is, I'm not going to use my philanthropy...
...as some kind of currency, especially after what I did.
I lied to that poor girl.
Lied, man!
Well,...
Love will make you do fucked-up things.
(crying) You said it, mister.
I got to run.
(hangs up)
We're dicks.
Mm-hmm.
It's him! It's him!
Mary.
Hello.
Um, Mary, look,...
...Iook, there's something I have to tell you.
I'm not the architect...
#ls she really going out with him?
OK, guys, let's huddle up.
Come on, Jimmy!
Jimmy, I'm open! Hit me! Come on!
#ls she really going out with him?
Uhh!
Ooh-whee!
Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Whoo!
Exceptional, my ass.
Aah!
Huh?
#I wash my hair, and I kid myself I look really sweet
Looks like I doublejumped you for the win.
Pay up, big guy.
# Look over there
- Coconut. - Yeah, very good. Coconut.
Coconut.
Where's the rest of it, Warren?
# They say that looks don't countfor much
# So there goes your proof
#ls she really going out with him?
Look at her.
She's more beautiful than I remember.
She's perfect.
Mmm.
Thanks for picking up the lunch tab, Mar.
Sorry I forgot my wallet. I feel like a dog.
Don't worry about it. It was fun.
- Euch! - Fuck me.
Whoa.
How's my stomach taste?
Oh. How's my stomach taste, she says.
(Ted) Holy shit, look. Look, there's Warren.
(Warren) Franks and beans!
Frank and beans!
Warren, come on, you just ate.
Hey, leave him alone. He'sjust got a big appetite. Right, Warren?
Huh?
I said you got a big...
Warren, Warren, Warren, Warren!
Oh, yes. Uh-huh.
You can't touch his ears unless he trusts you. Are you OK?
(hoarse) Not to worry.
So I'll see you tonight, right?
Sure.
Here, Warren.
- You OK? - He broke it.
I saw.
OK. What are you waiting for? Let's go.
What? No.
I don't know what to say.
Just tell herthe truth about Healy.
Blow the schmuck out of the water. Come on.
No, I can't.
I unleashed the psycho on her. She's going to be fucking pissed.
Mmm.
Mary!
(Ted) Stop!
Mary?
Mary? Is that...
It is you.
Who is that?
Hi. It's Ted.
Ted?
Yeah, Ted from Rhode Island. Ted.
Ted? Oh, my God.
Ted!
How are you?
- It's good to see you. - Good to see you, too.
How you been?
I'm...
I haven't seen you since... since...
Yeah. Since... since, um...
Senior prom.
That's right... senior prom.
I... you got a great memory.
Oh, man, that was...
I haven't thought about that in years.
So, um...
How's everything?
Everything, you know.
Oh, oh, that's fine.
I was in and out of the hospital in a couple of weeks.
It was not a big deal at all.
Now I'm good.
Strong like bull.
Really good.
Hey, hi, Warren.
Hi, Ted.
- How are you? - I'm... how are you?
(laughs)
I can't believe that he remembers you.
Piggyback ride?
Oh, piggyback... no. I'll take a rain check this time, OK?
He never remembers anybody. It's amazing.
So, what are you doing here?
Do you work here?
This is my office. Well, it's up there.
I wasjust out on my lunch break with Warren.
- It's crazy. What are you doing here? - Well, that's a funny story.
I was... I decided to...
I got in the car with my friend, um...
...and wejust, uh... we came down to Florida, right?
Right.
Well, you look great. You look really good.
I mean, what's the story? Are you married?
Do you have kids? What's the deal?
No. Dodged a few bullets.
Yeah?
God, this isjust so... bizarre.
I mean, I'm standing here with Mary Jensen.
No, no. Now it's Mary Matthews.
Oh. Did you...
No, no. I haven't walked down that plank yet, no.
But, uh, it was this thing in college.
This creepy guy who...
...anyhow, there was a restraining order,...
...got kind of ugly, and after Princeton, I just decided...
...be cautious. Change your name.
Just kind of leave that behind.
Right. That sounds... that sounds horrible.
It was... yeah.
It was, but it's over, I think, so it's good.
Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Do you think maybe you want to maybe, I don't know, go out to dinner?
Catch up on old times.
Didn't wejust do that?
I'm fucking with you, Ted.
Ha ha!
Oh.
No. Listen, I'd like to, it'd be great, but, I sort of already have plans tonight.
But I'm free tomorrow night.
Yeah, sure. Or, you know...
...or you could just blow off thatjerk you're going out with tonight...
...and come out with me.
What hotel are you staying at?
Uh, the Cardoza.
Pick you up at 8.00?
Sure.
- OK - OK.
Cool. See you.
Bye.
# Look closely at this picture
# Ted and Mary like before
# Can you see her as Ted sees her
# And why he couldn't wait no more?
# And if you still think he's being silly
# Then you've still got more to see
# 'Cause this isn'tjust a date, folks
# This is chemistry
# And Mary
# Well, there'sjust somethin' about Mary
(Magda on radio) Banana! We're gonna be buyin'bananas tonight!
Ooh!
Why's that?
'Cause back when I was your age,...
...I always used to make myself a big banana split after sex.
I think you're gonna need one tonight.
Oh. Don't get ahead of yourself, Magda.
You'll probably be eating a banana split before I do.
Don't bet on it.
Last time I had a pap smear,...
...the guy needed leather gloves and an oyster shucker.
(Mary on radio) I am a little psyched.
I ran into this guy I haven't seen since high school.
(Magda) An old flame?
Kind of. Ted Stroehmann.
The sweetest guy in the world.
He was so cute. He was so clumsy and he had this huge mouth full of metal.
You know how I like braces.
Anyhow, we're going out tonight.
Oh, no!
Oh, God, that reminds me. I have to cancel what's-his-face.
What's-his-face?
(knock on door)
Who is it?
It's Tucker.
Tucker.
- Hello, how are you? - Good. How are you?
I'm fine, thank you.
(Magda) Oh, look who's here.
There she is.
(Magda laughs)
I brought you a little thirst quencher, Mag.
Oh, aren't you sweet?
No, I'm not. I...
...just want to get you drunk so you'll pass out,...
...and I can give Mary a good rogering.
(laughs)
You want me to pour you one?
Uh, thanks, but I have to be going.
Unfortunately, this is not a social visit.
Really? What's up?
Well, I've got a little more news about yourfriend Healy.
Tucker, everything's OK.
He confessed everything. He told me he's not an architect.
You were right, but right now I'm actually running behind.
Mary, the man's a killer.
What?
Yes. I have a friend in the Boston police department.
He faxed me this morning. I'll just give you the highlights.
After a short stint as a petty thief,...
...Patrick R. Healy graduated to armed robbery by the age of 14.
At 16, he committed his first murder,...
...a pretty teacher's aide named Molly Pettygrove.
He was incarcerated until the age of 22,...
...when despite a grim psychological profile,...
...the state was forced to release him.
In his mid-20s and again in his early 30s,...
...he was suspected of homicides in the states of Utah and Washington.
Unfortunately, the bodies were so badly decomposed,...
...there wasn't enough evidence to hold him. And so on and so forth.
(Mary) You guys, what am I gonna do?
I'm supposed to meet this guy in an hour.
Well, just calm down. Everything's going to be fine. Don't worry.
Tucker.
Why you two never hooked up is beyond me.
I'm so lucky to have you as a friend.
Yes, well, don't get all gooey on me now.
You're gonna give me a big head.
See, the important thing, Doctor,...
...is you have to distance yourself as much as possible...
...without pissing this psycho off.
OK.
I know what I got to do, I know what I got to do.
Where's the phone?
(dog barking)
You're gonna pay, fucker.
(starts engine)
I don't know, Dom.
I don't feel good. I feel nervous. I really feel nervous.
Oh, come on, relax. Relax.
Been to the cash machine?
(sighs) Yeah.
- Car clean? - Uh-huh.
- Plenty of gas? - Uh-huh.
Mmm. Breath. How's your breath? (sniffs)
It's fine. I had some Altoids.
All right, I think you're all set.
So just go clean the pipes, and it's a go.
Huh?
You know, clean the pipes.
What do you mean, clean the pipes?
You choke the chicken before any big date, don't you?
Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date.
Oh, my God. He doesn't flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy?
That's like going out there with a loaded gun.
Of course that's why you're nervous.
Oh, my dearfriend, please sit. Please.
Uhh, look, um...
...after you've had sex with a girl,...
...and you're lying in bed with her,...
...are you nervous?
No.
No, you're not. Why?
'Cause I'm tired.
Ehh! Wrong!
It's 'cause you ain't got the baby batter on the brain any more.
Jesus, that stuff will fuck your head up.
Oh. Look...
The most honest moment in a man's life...
...are the few minutes after he's blown his load.
Now, that is a medical fact and the reason for it...
...is that you're no longer trying to get laid.
You're actually thinking like a girl...
...and girls love that.
Holy shit.
I've been going out with a loaded gun.
People get hurt that way.
(whistling)
Ohh! Whoa whoa whoa whoa!
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Healy, how... how smashing to see you.
You're dead! You fuckup!
OK, take it easy.
Who the fuck do you think you are making that shit up about me?
It's that stalker, Ted.
He got ahold of you, didn't he?
You're working for him, aren't you, you little shit?
Who?
(bones crack)
Uhh!
Ooh! Ooh! (crying)
Either you come clean, or I'm gonna kick yourfucking ass!
(dropping English accent) I love her, man!
What?
You heard me, God damn it.
I love Mary, man.
(sobbing)
I'm a phony,just like you.
What do you mean?
I mean, I'm a fucking fraud.
I'm no architect. Don't be a putz, man.
Who's been to Santiago, Chile, twice in one year?
I've never even been in Jersey!
OK, OK. Just take it easy.
Wait a minute. You knew those people back at Harvard.
I knew shit, man.
The only thing I knew was that you were a fake,...
...and I made up everything else.
My real name's Norm.
I'm a pizza delivery boy.
Here.
Look. Here's my ID.
(sighs) Fuck me.
(slapping noises)
(Ted panting)
Keep the change.
Yeah!
Oh.
Where the...
...hell did it go?
(knock on door)
Uh, hang on.
Wait a second.
Hello. How you doing?
Good. How are you?
- Good. - Good.
You are looking very beautiful.
Thank you.
What is that?
Hmm?
On your ear.
Ear?
No, your left ear.
Is that...
Is that hair gel?
Yeah.
Great. I could use some.
No. You don't have to. You don't...
I just ran out.
Huh huh.
How we doing over here?
(Ted) OK.
Little more wine?
(Ted) Sure.
So... so when you say, um...
...killer, you mean...
He's a murderer. Yeah.
Like an actual convicted murderer?
He killed people. I know. It's crazy.
And, uh, what? Did he ever go tojail?
Yeah. In Boston.
He spent I don't know how long, but...
And hejust got out?
Well, it's obviously... the system sucks.
The guy's walking the streets.
I'm kissing him.
Right. But you didn't do anything...
...else, right?
What?
I mean, you didn't...
No. No, no, no. God, I couldn't live with myself.
I mean, I only went out with him a couple of times,...
...but, you know, it's like, just the thought of that...
(sighs)
I shouldn't be putting this all on you.
I'm sorry. We haven't seen each other in so long.
No. It's... it'sjust I feel really bad.
I'm tired of talking about stalkers.
Let's talk about you.
(coughs)
Are you OK? Yeah?
- Do you want some water? - No. I'm good.
Hey, Tracy, how are the twins?
Fuck you, Norm.
I like it when you talk dirty to me, man.
Here you go, big guy.
Come on. Cough it up, chompers.
How the hell did you meet Mary?
It wasjust dumb luck, really.
I delivered a pie to her one night,...
...and she answered the door in her nightgown and, whoa.
That was it for me.
I went home that night, shaved my beard...
...and a week later I'm laid out in her office with a broken back.
Broken back?
How'd you do that?
A friend. Baseball bat.
Ah. Touché.
Do you want another one?
Uh, sure. Yeah.
Hey, Docky.
Couple more nitrate-sicles, please.
Two corn dogs coming up.
I don't think that they have enough meats on sticks.
No, seriously. If you think about it,...
...they have plenty of sweets, right?
They have lollipops, they have fudgesicles,...
...they have popsicles,...
...but they don't have any other meat on sticks.
Yes, you don't see that many meats on sticks.
No, absolutely not.
You know what I'd like to see?
I'd like to see more meats in a cone.
You don't hardly ever see that.
That's an idea I think is waiting to pop.
Just like a nice, big, oversized waffle cone stuffed full of...
(both) ...chopped liver.
Exactly.
It's too bad you don't live here, Ted.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
We have a lot in common.
Well, you know, maybe, um...
...have you everthought about, uh...
...maybe moving back up to Rhode Island?
I thought about it, but I got too much of a good thing going on here.
I got a great practice, like the people I work with, Warren.
Maybe you should just, like, move down here and marry me.
(Mary) So you're a writer.
Yeah, well, I'm trying to be.
Well, the good thing about writing...
...is you can do it anywhere.
That's true.
How about you?
How did you manage to stay single all these years?
Well, I'm bisexual, so that's hard for a lot of guys to understand.
Well...
You gonna smoke that?
You know, I read somewhere that most women are...
...if you really ask them honestly,...
...have tendencies towards...
- I mean, everybody has a bit of... - Ted, I'm fucking with you.
Yeah.
Stalking motherfucker.
(Healy) I know. It sickens me.
Actually, I did almost get married once.
Mm-hmm.
What happened?
Well, he was a really great guy.
Mm-hmm.
He lived up north, and, uh...
Come on, let's go.
(whispering) Here you go.
Wait. How many is this?
- Four. - Four?
That seems like an awful of lot of speed to give one little pooch.
Are you sure it won't kill him?
I never said that.
There's a baby.
(fiizzing)
Ah, good, good, good, good.
So...
...then it was over. We really haven't spoken since.
Hmm. Wow. Sounds like he was almost perfect.
Hmm.
Almost.
Hey, you want to go upstairs and watch Sportscentre?
Uh...
...you know, I think I'm just gonna quit while I'm ahead.
You're not that far ahead, Ted.
Magda!
What are you doing?
Hi, hon. Just straightening up.
(Mary gasps)
(Mary) Put that down!
Whoa.
Magda!
Thanks, doll.
Whoa!
Magda. Magda.
Honey, where is Puffy?
Oh. He was being a pest, so I put him in the bathroom.
- Really? - Uh-huh.
(banging on door)
(Mary) Ted.
Hmm?
Can you do me a favour?
Would you mind letting the dog out of the bathroom?
'Cause I think I should have a talk with Magda here.
Sure, yeah.
(banging on door)
(bang)
Uh, Mary?
Huh?
What kind of dog is Puffy?
- (Magda) Borderterrier. - (Mary) Borderterrier. Like, uh, Benji.
Oh.
(Puffy panting)
Hey.
Are you the little guy making all that big noise?
Huh? Hmm?
(Puffy whines)
(barks, snarling)
Ohh! Ohh!
Oh, Ted!
- Aah! - Aah!
(Puffy cries)
(barking ferociously)
Ohh!
Puffy, stop it!
(Magda) No!
(Mary) No!
Take a little bit of this!
Ow!
(Mary) Puffy! Puffy!
Puffy!
Aah! Uhh!
Ohh! Ow! Ow! Aah!
Oh, Ted!
(rip)
- Aah! - Aah!
(Puffy barking)
Puffy.
(Puffy whines)
(crash)
Aah!
- Puffy! - Puffy!
- Aah! - Aah!
Puffy, Puffy! Puffy!
Puffy! Puffy!
(talking)
(Puffy whines)
You want a grape?
A grape? Sure.
- Ready? - Yeah.
Uhh. All net. All net.
We make a good team.
# But it don't know
#lf it's coming or going
(Puffy whines)
# There is fashion, there is fad
# Some is good, some is bad
(whines, barks)
#And the joke is rather sad
# That it's all just a little bit
# Of history repeating
#And I've seen it before
Oh, oh!
Closer?
It's all right. Get in closer.
That's good. That's good.
Don't be afraid. Get right in there.
A little bit more. A little bit more.
He'll be fine. Mary, you're overprotective.
- Ooh! - Aah!
(bat hits ground)
# Just little bits of history repeating
# Some people won't dance
#lf they don't know who's singing
# Why ask your head?
#lt's your hips that are swinging
# Life's for us to enjoy
No, no, no. We already got it.
# Woman, man
# Girl and boy
# Feel the pain
# Feel the joy
#And sidestep the little bits of history repeating
Come on, come on.
Pow! Pow! Pow!
Pow!
Warren. Warren!
(tyres squealing)
Warren!
Warren! Come here! Stop!
# Just little bits of history repeating
I'm OK! I'm OK!
Hey! Hey!
It's his fault. He hit me with that stuff.
Whoo! Warren! Warren!
Stop!
#I'll see it again
# Yes, I've seen it before
# Just little bits of history repeating
- Uhh! - (gasps)
- Uhh! Uhh! - Ooh!
(Ted) Oh, God.
(Warren) I didn't do it.
He got in the way.
(Mary) I know, I know, I know.
Does anybody have any pliers? Needle-nose, otherwise?
Anything?
Hey.
Flowers are for you. Ball is for Warren.
Had a friend Fed-Ex it from Boston.
Signed by Tony... Conigliaro.
Did you hire Pat Healy to spy on me?
What?
What are you talking about?
I got an anonymous letter.
It's not true, right, Ted?
Well, it's... it's...
It's an interesting thing that happened.
l, um...
Yeah, it's true, but it's... it's not...
OK. Get out.
Mary, wait. First of all,...
...I didn't know that this guy was...
What? That he was a murderer?
Uh, that, yeah, and in addition to many otherthings.
I didn't know anything about the guy.
I hardly know him.
How could you do that, Ted?
How could you have some guy you don't even know spy on me?
What were you trying to do?
Trick me into feeling something for you?
No. I didn't...
I didn't want to trick you.
Just leave.
OK?
Mary...
Go.
I did it because I never stopped thinking about you.
And if I didn't find you, I knew that my life...
...would never, ever be good again.
# She said, don't worry, baby
#I'll do my own crying
#I'm a big girl now
(door closes)
# Now I'm gonna be OK
# Yes, I'll fiind a new way
# Of livin'
# You know I will
#And you lie there
# Without sleepin'
#And you stare
#At your walls
#And you realise
# You're not weepin'
Hey.
# You don't need her
Healy! You in there?
#Any more
# You guess that it's over
Hello?
(door squeaks)
(sniffiing)
Eww.
(Tucker talking)
And it was going along just fine until you showed up.
Holy shit!
This is a pretty nice place.
Heh.
Sully, what the fuck happened?
Hey, surprise!
Whoa, whoa! Hey, peace, man.
You fucked me, man!
Wait! Hey, come on!
Look... look, man...
Look, don't do anything rash now, buddy, hmm?
Who the fuck is this guy?!
Uh, that's Norm. He's a pizza boy.
He's in love with Mary, too.
Look, come on, man.
All right... look, I think everybody could use a drink right now, hmm?
(Ted) I don't want a drink!
Fuck you!
Whoa, hey, hey, look...
You asked me to follow around your girl and I did.
And then the truth is, I... I started to like her.
And that's when I realised I couldn't in good conscience bring myself to do it.
Do what?
Turn her overto a violent... stalker.
Oh, I'm a stalker.
You're calling me a violent stalker?
Oh, yeah. Sure.
You're a sick fuck.
Hey, fuck you.
(Ted) Fuck you!
You just can't take the fact that it was my turn!
Your turn?
Yeah, that's right. My turn.
Why can't I ever get a girl like Mary?
Yeah, well,just 'cause you didn't get her,...
...you didn't have to blow us both out of the water.
What are you talkin' about?
You're gonna tell me you didn't write her an anonymous letter...
...telling her about our whole deal together?
What letter?
Come on.
It was you.
You sent the letter.
It was you!
We had a deal. You said you wouldn't fuck me...
...and I wouldn't fuck you until...
...we got this fuck outta the fuckin' picture.
You crossed the line, man!
Whoa, whoa, whoa, man!
You're gettin' crazy, now.
Why would I cross the line?
Y-you probably did it yourself, you piece of shit.
Oh, yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Why would I rat myself out?
Like I'm gonna try to figure out some guy...
...whose idea of courtin' is blowin' farts in herface.
- You were followin' us. - Don't flatter yourself.
l-l-I was following her!
I always do.
How the hell do you think I got rid of the last guy... Brett?
Br... wait. Brett?
Are you sayin' that Brett didn't say those things about Warren?
Are you shittin' me?
Mr Goody Two-Shoes?
(scoffs) He was like an eagle scout!
Wait a minute!
You two should be kissin' my fuckin' hairy beanbag,...
...'cause if it wasn't for me, she might have married that schmuck!
I feel sick.
Both of you arejust...
I'm outta here.
(sighs)
Woogie?
Who the hell is Woogie?
Hello.
What are... what are you doing here?
Did you get my letter, Mar?
The one about Ted?
Y-you sent that?
Mm-hmm.
I was worried about you.
Woogie, you know you're not supposed to be within 400 yards of me.
Oh, I know. I do, in fact.
That's... that's what I really wanted to talk to you about.
You know that I have actually been through...
...nine years of intensive psychotherapy and you know something?
You were absolutely right.
I needed help.
That's great, Woogie.
I mean, I'm glad you're doing better.
You... you look...
You look good.
Thank you.
Except forthe rash thing's still there, right?
Yes. You noticed, huh?
These are called love blisters.
They went away for a little while,...
...but then you came back in my life, milady, huh?
Woogie... I did not come back into your life, OK?
I don't even know how you found me.
Let's not forget here, you put me through a lot of bullshit, OK?
I had to change my name. I had to go to court.
I moved!
I mean, you stole all of my shoes!
What?!
What are you talking about?!
Woogie, I caught you red-handed!
I was in a weird place, then, Mary.
(crying) Come on.
OK? Come on. Gimme... gimme a break here, OK?
I was a little... a little nuts, a little...
(jabbers) But I'm fine.
Woogie,...
...you're starting to make me a little nervous.
Ooh! I'm making you feel nervous.
Nervous... what's that?
I don't know anything about nervous. Ehhh! Jeez.
You ever had a whitehead on your eyeball, Mary? Hmm?
Woogie, I'm asking you to leave.
No, Mary,...
No, Mary, you got this all wrong.
I'm not going anywhere. Mm-mmm.
Until I get something to remember you by.
Aah!
(Mary and Woogie arguing)
(Mary) Stop it! Stop!
Just one pair! You owe me that, you heartless bitch!
Huh? Whoa! What the... hey!
Oh...
Dom?
You're pathetic.
Tucker... what happened to your crutches?
(English accent) Uh, well, uh, yeah...
That's a very good query, Mary. Well done.
Come on! Tell herthe truth, pizza boy.
Um...
(sighs)
(without accent) Name's Norm.
I live with my folks up in Pompano. Hey.
Oh, man! This is like group therapy or somethin'!
Dom! What are you doin' here?
You stole herfrom me and now I want her back.
I stole herfrom you? What are you... what are you talkin' about?
Mm-hmm.
Woogie! How many times did I tell you this at Princeton?
Woogie?
Ted and I had one date.
You and I were already broken up!
You're Woogie?
Dom Wooganowski.
But... you're married.
You have a wife, beautiful kids.
Ted, if you love 'em so much, please, be my guest.
All right, what the hell is going on in here?
Can someone explain it to me?
Um, look, we're... we're all in love with Mary.
Oh, God.
If I may, I have a proposal.
I say none of us leaves this room...
...till our young Mary here stops jerkin' us around...
...and decides, once and for all,...
...who she really wants.
Now, Mary, I know this is tough...
...but you really will be doing them all a great favour...
...to tell them the truth about us.
Are you crazy?
What makes you think I would pick you, anyhow?
You're a murderer!
Uh...
Well, l, uh, I may have been blowin' smoke up your ass there, Mary. Sorry.
Whoa! Whoa-ho!
Whoa-ho-ho!
Touchdown!
Hi, Mary.
Brett?
What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumbass.
Yeah, I called him, Mary.
I told him to pick up Warren and get down here.
See, yourfriend Tucker was lying about a couple of otherthings.
Brett never said those bad things about Warren.
He loves Warren.
And from what he told me on the phonejust now,...
...he loves you, too.
He's the guy you should be with.
(scoffs) God.
That's right, Mary.
You know I'll always be true to you.
Oh, shit! This isn't fair. Jesus!
You know, I feel like an idiot.
See, I realised somethin' today.
I'm no betterthan any of these guys.
I mean, none of them love you, really.
They're just... they'rejust...
...fixated on you, because of how...
...you make them feel about themselves.
I mean, that's not real love.
That's... (sighs)
I don't know what that is.
Please! Mary, don't listen to him!
This isjust another one of his stupid little ploys.
You know, Stroehmann, you are so full of shit!
Yeah, you're the biggest stalker of us all, man!
You're gonna stand here and tell me...
...that you're not nuts about this girl?
Yeah, that's what I'm tellin' you.
Oh!
Hey, good luck, Brett.
Yeah. Thank you.
She's a great gal. Take care of her.
I'Il, uh, see you, Mary.
Bye, Ted.
Hey, Warren, see ya later.
OK. Goodbye, Ted.
(Warren) Goodbye.
God, Mary, I've missed you.
Hey, uh, Brett.
What are the chances I could get you...
...to give me a little autograph on this pump here, huh?
Somethin' nice for the wife and kids.
What?!
Ah, shut up. Cock tease.
(sobbing)
(alternative guitar rock)
# Well, she's back with her old boyfriend
# He don't challenge her
# He don't contend with her
# And she don't answer the cards you send
# And you'rejealous of the time
# That he spend with her
# Just let her go into the darkness
# Let her live for all the things there
# Let her go into the darkness
# Let her go, let her go, let her go
(Mary) Ted!
Mary?
Ted!
Mary!
Ted!
You forgot your keys.
Did you really mean what you said up there?
Uh-huh.
I just want you to be happy, Mary.
But I'd be happiest with you.
You're fuckin' with me, right?
What...
What about...
...Brett Fav... re?
What did I tell you the first time we met?
I'm a niners fan.
Heh.
# His friends would say stop whinin'
# They've had enough of that
# His friends would say stop pinin'
# There's other girls to look at
# They've tried to set him up
# With Tiffany and Indigo
# But there's somethin' about Mary
# That they don't know...
What are you doing?
That's my girl he's kissin'.
But you just slept with me!
I was only bonin' you to get to Mary.
Aaah! (gunshot)
Aaah! (crying)
And a one... 2, 3, 4!
...5, 6, 7, 8!
(# Build Me Up, Buttercup)
# Why do you build me up?
# Build me up
# Buttercup, baby, just to let me down
# Let me down
# And mess me around, and then worst of all
# Worst of all
# You never call, baby when you say you will
# Say you will
# But I love you, still
# I need you
# More than anyone, darlin'
# You know that I have from the start
# So build me up
# Build me up
# Buttercup, don't break my heart
# I'll be over at 10.00, ya told me time and again
# But you're late
# I wait around and then
# I went to the door, I can't take any more
# It's not you
# You let me down again
# Hey, hey, hey
# Baby, baby, try to find
# Hey, hey, hey
# A little time, and I'll make you mine
# I'll be home, I'll be beside the phone
# Waiting for you
# Ooh, ooh
# Why do you build me up
# Build me up
# Buttercup, baby, just to let me down
# Let me down
# And mess me around, and then worst of all
# Worst of all
# You never call, baby, when you say you will
# Say you will
# But I love you, still
# I need you
# More than anyone, darlin'
# You know that I have from the start
# So build me up
# Build me up
# Buttercup, don't break my heart
# To you I'm a toy, but I could be the boy
# You adore
# If you'd just let me know
# Although you're untrue, I'm attracted to you
# All the more
# Why do I need ya so?
# Hey, hey, hey
# Baby, baby, try to find
# Hey, hey, hey
# A little time, and I'll make you happy
# I'll be home, I'll be beside the phone
# Waiting for you
# Ooh, ooh
# Why do you build me up
# Build me up
# Buttercup, baby, just to let me down
# Let me down
# And mess me around, and then worst of all
# Worst of all
# You never call, baby, when you say you will
# Say you will
# But I love you, still
# I need you
# More than anyone, darlin'
# You know that I have from the start
# So build me up
# Build me up
# Buttercup, don't break my heart
# l-l-I need you
# More than anyone, baby...
(talking and laughing)
(new song begins)
# You found me
# When I wasn't lookin'
# One kiss
# Right between the eyes
#A stranger
#I feel I've known my whole life
# You held me
# Up to the sky
# Oh, oh
#lt's the way you look
#And the way you walk
#lt's the way you touch me
#And the way you say nothin'
#lt's the way you look
#And the way you walk
#lt's the way you touch me
#And the way you say nothin'at all
# Take me
# Down to the river
#And drown me
# Drown me in your love
#I'm breathin'
# Breathin'underwater
# You're floatin'
# Floatin'up above
# Oh, oh
#lt's the way you look
#And the way you walk
#lt's the way you touch me
#And the way you say nothin'
#lt's the way you look
#And the way you walk
#lt's the way you touch me
#And the way you say nothin'at all
#lt's the way you look
#And the way you walk
#lt's the way you touch me
#And the way you say nothin'
#lt's the way you look
#And the way you walk
#lt's the way you touch me
#And the way you say nothin'
#lt's the way you look
#And the way you walk
#lt's the way you touch me
#And the way you say nothin'
#lt's the way you look
#And the way you walk
#lt's the way you touch me